In Hebrew, 18 means LIFE. These days everyone seems to be worried about Work/Life Balance.
Books have been written about it, experts talk about it, gurus advise on it. It seems everyone has an opinion on what the balancing act is and how we are supposed to achieve it.
Yeah, well, I might as well jump in too.
The problem is, I don’t agree with the principle.
To me, the idea that we should balance our “Work” with our “Life” makes some suppositions I’m just not ready to swallow. Namely, that the two things, work and life, are separate. After all, if we’re trying to ‘balance’ them, they must be on either end of the plank right?
I know, I’m probably taking things too literally, but bear with me for a moment and ask yourself a different question. What if we’re not supposed to balance them, but instead create a life with and from our work; or put another way, do work that encompasses our life?
Seth Godin has said:
‘Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.’
Interesting idea isn’t it?
What if instead of focusing on the idea that unless we balance these two things we’re going to have to give up one to have more of the other, we instead worked on having one that included the other. One that was built upon the other. One in which we found joy or as the French say, Joie De Vivre’ (Joy of Life).
Perhaps if we spend more time asking ourselves what it would take to find our passion in our work, or to fulfill our passion in new or different work? What if we asked how we could create a life for ourselves where we found our work engaging and fulfilling and lived in such a way that our lives were fulfilled as well? What if we asked a question like what would it take to live a life we didn’t need a vacation from?
Maybe it isn’t a balancing act at all. Maybe we should focus on LIVING our lives and not try to escape from them or spend time worrying about the time we feel we’re not living them at all.
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Several years ago I ate at a restaurant that served an amazing Jalapeno Cheese Corn Bread. I’m not a huge corn bread fan but I was ready to fight for the crumbs at our table that night. Moist and delicious not at all dry like the corn bread I grew up knowing, this stuff was so good I asked the waiter if there was a recipe. This was before smart phones so ‘google-ing’ it wasn’t an option.
They wouldn’t give me the recipe but did give me the basic ingredients and some of the amounts; the butter amount practically made my arteries close on the spot, but it made sense given how moist this stuff was.
And so I began my quest to try and duplicate the recipe. Year after year, time after time, I tried. As the internet expanded I even found some recipes that seemed close. I tried, I failed. I tried again. Failed. Modified the recipe, Failed. Adjusted for my own tastes, Failed. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that what I was making had to go in the trash, they were (mostly) edible and some even tasty. But they were not the real thing.
I kept getting close but just couldn’t get the whole thing to come out to the right consistency. The middle was always a puddle (given the heard of cattle it would take to churn out the amount of butter this thing takes it’s not surprising) and even through the outside would taste great I was frustrated as to why I couldn’t get the whole skillet to come out a uniform consistency. Yes, I was using cast iron skillet, pre-warmed in the oven, I tried everything.
I stopped changing the recipe, It tasted pretty close so I knew the ingredients were right. Maybe I had the amounts wrong? Maybe I needed to cook it longer? Maybe maybe maybe… I kept second, third, and quadruple guessing myself.
“The answer will come when you least expect it.”
That’s what they always say right?
I hate when they’re right.
In discussing my latest attempt with a friend he suggested a slightly smaller skillet. And BAM!, just like that it hit me. In the restaurant, it had been served in small, not quite single sized, but share-able sized skillets.
Without changing the ingredients (second guessing), without changing the cooking time (third guessing) without changing the amounts of each ingredient (quadruple guessing) I made a batch tonight using smaller skillets. There was nothing wrong with what I was doing or how much or how long, just the wrong vessel.
Normally, I would have kept the problem to myself and just served the ends on the table when it went wrong, but this time a friend insisted on helping and had he not done so, I might still be using the wrong skillet and getting the wrong results.
Sometimes we need another pair of eyes. Sometimes we need a new perspective. Sometimes we need a little help.
Whatever you do, never give up. Never stop trying and believing! Never be too proud, too sure, too scared, or too embarrassed to ask for help.
It’s never too late to try just one more thing, and it might just make all the difference!
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I wrote ASK because I felt there was a piece missing in that puzzle called finding happiness, fulfillment, and success in life. I wanted to find the missing piece and then help people by teaching them how to put the puzzle together for themselves and get more out of life.
The closer I get to the book launch the more, it seems, I’m drawn to finding more and more ways to help people.
I’ve been working on the ASKCirQle program almost daily; creating, designing, refining, and ultimately testing it to see if it will truly help those who choose to use it. It’s not easy and some days are harder than others but the more I do the more I want to do. It’s true what they say when they tell you that in order to take your mind off your own worries you have to work to help someone else. Although I don’t yet know the people who will use this program I keep trying to improve it, honing in on any and all scenarios I can imagine to try to make the material have the most impact on their lives.
Does this mean I’m not worrying or thinking about my own challenges, fears, and anxieties? No, but somehow they all seem less. Somehow, my own issues seem less significant than making sure I can help others by making this program better, every day.
It’s not about living in a state of denial or forgetting about things that need to get done, but we are so often caught up in our own minutia that we sometimes amplify what is actually something small into something massive and when our focus is redirected towards this seemingly giant problem, not only do we not notice it’s true (much smaller) size, but we often let life, and those we come in contact with pass us by.
The real tragedy is that many of those we ignore, forget, or simply don’t notice might have benefited from our abilities, knowledge, and care had we but taken the time to notice they were in need.
The real big issues of our lives will demand our attention when it’s necessary. Don’t make the smaller ones more than they truly are. Spend your time enjoying this amazing life you’ve been given and make sure you notice what’s going on in the lives of those you encounter along the way. If you pay attention, you might just find one of your reasons for being here. We all want to know the meaning of life. Sometimes we just have to listen for the answer.
At an early age we begin to care about what other people think of us. As infants we crave the attention of our parents, unable to communicate except for frustrated please expressed through crying. As toddlers and young children we act out for attention and hold dear every moment our parents spend with us, yet when we do something to displease them our whole world is thrown into turmoil.
Once we enter the world of Teenagers we begin to expand our circle of influence and care more about what our peers think of us than our parents. Still later this pressure of our peers builds and fights for attention with our raging hormones to such an extent that a wrong glance or a casual misspoken word can send us to the darkest of despairs for days on end.
In College or our early days of a career we are influenced even more by an ever growing sphere of influence from co-workers, roommates, bosses, professors and friends. It’s as though we spend our whole lives worrying about what others think, how to fit in, and seeking approval.
No wonder, then, as we mature or are exposed to thinking that causes us to reflect internally, it is so difficult for us to think that we have anything at all to do with our self esteem, our inner view of who we are; and yet, that is who has always been responsible and in charge of what we think of ourselves.
The challenge is that although we may logically or emotionally understand that we CAN have a different view of who we are it is far easier said than done having spent our entire lives believing and in fact using what others think of us as our barometer.
The truth is, regardless of who we think is in charge of our self esteem, it all comes down to the questions we ask ourselves. When we are trying to please someone be it a significant other, a boss, a coworker or a stranger we are asking questions: “Did I just say the wrong thing?”, “Does she really like me or is she just being nice?”, “What if I agree with him, will he think I’m just trying to kiss up?” etc.
If we truly want to change our image of who we are, we simply have to ask intentional questions that serve us, that probe into who we truly believe we are, not what others tell us.
Answer your own internal questions honestly, about the type of person you are, the type of person you want to be, and how you can begin living the life of that person and you’ll be amazed at how quickly things can change.
You really ARE all that AND a bag of chips. You just need to start asking the right questions to see it.
Being an author is not all that different from an entrepreneur.
I work a lot, and sometimes am not sure if I’m working on or doing the right things.
I don’t really take time off. Oh sure, there are days when I get more done than others, but even on the days I’m not accomplishing much or I actually consciously take time to be with family and/or friends I’m still thinking about it, about all that I have to do, and about what I’ll try to get done when I get home.
Come to think of it, it’s not all that different than when I was a CEO and constantly worrying about something.
And so I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Often not sure if I’m even headed in the right direction but doing what I feel is right and enjoying the process as I go.
And that’s the difference really. Because whether I’m working for someone else, running someone else’s company, running my own company, or writing my own book, I’m always working on something. The only difference is whether I’m working on something for me or someone else, whether that something fuels MY passion, or theirs, whether I’m getting closer to my own goals and dreams or helping someone else get theirs.
Yes, it’s late. Yes I’m tired. But I’m tired because I’m doing something I love, that brings me joy, that fuels my dream and passion.
So, it’s really not all that different, and yet it’s all the difference in the world.
When I first arrived in Denver, I found myself in a situation where I needed to work a second Job. It wasn’t for long, just one of those ‘you do what you have to do’ situations and so I found myself a night job to help make some extra money.
Where did I work? I’m glad you asked.
I worked at Barnes & Noble.
I had completely forgotten about the short time I worked there until my wife reminded me about it tonight. Here I am, many many years later and soon, in 23 days to be exact, I will be launching my book by doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble.
I’ve come full circle.
Funny how life works sometimes.
Or maybe it was just a plan that took several years for me to get my act together enough to make it happen. Remember that leap and the net will appear bit in a previous post?
Sometimes we need to remember what Martin Luther King Jr. said about not needing to see all the steps in the staircase to start climbing. Just take that first step. Things will fall into place and one day you’ll find yourself coming full circle.
What step are you waiting to start on? Go ahead, the rest will come in it’s own time, you don’t need to know how or when.
Just start.
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Tonight begins the Jewish celebration of the New Year “Rosh Hashanah” . Many other cultures celebrate the idea of a New Year at various times of the year. Common traditions include beginning anew, letting go of the past and beginning a fresh new start, a clean slate if you will.
People often start something new as their new year begins and while many will begin with fervor and often taper out until their old habits once again take hold, it doesn’t stop us from trying each year to ‘begin again’.
The fact of the matter is that we can “begin again” at any time. We don’t have to wait for that new year or some special date on the calendar to try something new or, for that matter, to try something old.
Your Dreams most likely aren’t new, they’ve been there with you for some time. For some of us, we’ve had the since we were young. Maybe, like an old favorite pair of jeans, we’re afraid to try them on again. ‘Maybe they won’t fit me’ anymore, or ‘I’ve outgrown those’ are common thoughts that are really nothing more than misconceptions. They’re your dreams, of course they’ll fit. No matter how long or how recent your dreams are they are yours for a reason and they’re still with you because maybe you were destine to do or be or have that dream.
Don’t wait for the calendar to give you permission to start anew. Do it now. Today! Whatever that today is, it’s time to start. Don’t let your Dream become a forgotten wish, or worse, a nostalgic and apologetic longing.
Today! Right now! This moment! As you read this, whenever that may be, make this the beginning of your New Year! Who says you can’t start a new year on your own terms. It is, after all, your life. Does your Birthday fall on the actual first day of the new year (whichever one you celebrate?) If not, then it’s really not a new year for you yet is it. And if it is, so what. Make your own New Year starting today.
It’s your Dream, your life, your beginning.
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Today was the second meeting of the ASK CirQle group as we continue to beta test and refine this program for helping people get more fulfillment from their lives.
I am so incredibly grateful today for my family and my friends who not only support me on this crazy Journey but also willingly give their time, energy, and enthusiasm to helping me make this program and my work the best it can be.
I am also grateful for my publisher who contacted me today to discuss having my book Translated into Spanish and is beginning the process to make that happen.
“Leap and the net will appear!”
That is easier said than done when you stand on the precipice or you’re looking out over the horizon and all you can see are the storm clouds above, but if you take that first step, and then another, and you keep putting one step in front of the other the clouds will part, and the rays of help will shine through to guide your way.
Oh, and what about the precipice? It’s hard to believe, I know, I’ve been there, but you have to tackle it the same way… take that first step. Oh sure, from the precipice, the first step is the hardest one… take it anyway. You can’t see it, but the net is there. Your friends, your family, your supporters,…… LIFE will make sure the net appears.
What step do you need to take but are afraid of taking?
Go ahead, take the step. The net and the sun are just waiting for you to announce yourself.
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Today I found this in my fortune cookie from lunch:
“Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.”
Sometimes it seems like I got a fortune from someone at another table or even another restaurant, and sometimes… well… someone has a sense of humor and every once in a while… I get one like today’s.
FEAR has to be one of the most talked about subjects in motivation/inspiration/personal-achievement circles. I feel like I’ve read or heard just about every angle people have for tackling this subject but I hadn’t read this one before.
I totally agree with my little platitude from China. FEAR really is something that needs an attitude adjustment. Oh sure, the fight or flight kind of fear is real and we need that to survive if we truly find ourselves in that type of situation but how many times does that really happen to us?
No, I’m talking about the normal, every day, typical FEAR’s we all have. When you think about it, do these thoughts of what ‘might’ happen, or ‘could’ happen, or we’re afraid of happening really serve us? Studies have shown that most, and for many almost all, of the time our FEAR of what might happen never does. And so we waste that precious commodity we all have limited supply of, TIME, worrying about and fretting over something that just never happens. Yet because we think about it, picture it, dwell upon it out of FEAR because we’re afraid it will happen, we have just had the experience ourselves without anyone or anything doing it to us.
Instead, if we could give FEAR that Attitude Adjustment it deserves and realize it’s just Excitement in there waiting to get out to enjoy the thing we’re about to experience life would be so much more enjoyable. Changing that attitude, is changing our mindset… put another way, it’s changing that inner conversation in our mind.
How? Why questions of course. We just have to ASK the right questions!
Excitement is waiting on the other side of FEAR. In fact, everything you want is over there too. You just have to ASK the right questions to help get you there.
I’m so excited to see you on the other side. I too need to overcome my FEAR and give it an Attitude Adjustment. What questions can you ASK yourself to help you with your wrongly adjusted excitement?
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This weekend has been one of firsts. Yesterday I experienced my first ‘corn maze’ and later I made and consumed my first honest to goodness ‘smores’. Yes, I know, at 47 you would think I would have done this by now but no, it was my first open fire smores and it was delicious.
Tonight, I took my daughter on our first Daddy / Daughter date. I’m her second Dad so I don’t know if she’s had one with her first Dad yet but for me it was a first and for us it was a first. She’s growing up (all too quickly) and she’s becoming quite the young lady in her own way and at 13 1/2 she is amazing to be around.
I suppose this has all made me think that we’re constantly going through phases in our lives and always growing, changing, adapting, and advancing.
While the old adage of “This too shall pass” is often used, I wonder sometimes if we miss the point when we’re so focused on whatever it is passing. Certainly we want our challenges to pass, and yet it is those very challenges that make us who we are. Overcoming them is part of our Journey.
As I look ahead 27 days and wonder about this next ‘change’ in my life, embarking on another ‘first’ as an Author and Speaker I look forward to looking back once all the challenges have all ‘passed’ and seeing the amazing adventures this new phase in my life will bring.
I hope you too are looking forward to what is ahead in your journey. None of us know how long our journeys will be. It’s time we started enjoying the steps along the way and stop focusing so much on the view when we get there.
Remember, all we need to do to start enjoying those steps…. is ASK!
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In Hebrew, 18 means LIFE. These days everyone seems to be worried about Work/Life Balance.
