Chapter I
DAY 1 | The Call
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December 4, 2017
It may be nothing.
It may be Cancer.
Either way, our lives have been turned upside down by one sentence. We’re living in fear. We don’t know what to do and we can’t seem to get into the right doctor’s office fast enough.
I fucking hate Cancer.
It took my Dad’s life at 72 and now at 45 it’s scaring the shit out of the woman I love. A woman who is the ‘goodest’ (if that were a word), kindest, most caring person I know.
ADDING INSULT TO INJURY
We got the call after the first 2-hour delay of our flight home from a weekend ‘getaway’ to try and give my wife some rest. She has been going non-stop for a year, ever since she was elected to the Colorado Legislature, and she’s been sick pretty much since the end of her first “Session” in the House of Representatives.
So, we cashed in some airline miles that were about to expire and took a quick weekend to Chicago to see her brother and some friends, catch a quick show, do some shopping, and rest. It didn’t quite go as planned but at least we got away for a bit and now it’s time to go home.
So, the flight is delayed, and we go to get some food at O’Hare airport and the phone rings.
“Where are you right now?” That’s how the call starts. Not good. You never want your doctor to start the call with “Where are you right now?”
Then…
“The biopsy found some abnormal cells. You’ll probably need a hysterectomy and we need to see if the cells have spread beyond your Uterus.”
Well FUCK!
Then the flight gets delayed again. And again. Our 6:50pm flight doesn’t leave until after midnight. We get home at 3:30am. We haven’t slept. We’re exhausted from lack of sleep and even more from worry.
Here’s the thing.
My wife is terrified.
I’m terrified.
I’m trying to be strong, but I can’t seem to stop crying which of course I only do when she’s not around because I can’t have her see me like this. She needs me to be strong for her and I don’t know how. If she sees me falling apart she’ll take it on as guilt and right now I need her focusing on how to kick these abnormal cells to the fucking curb because I can’t lose her. I cannot live without her.
Anyway, she’s gotten maybe 5 hours of non-restful sleep. (how much would you be able to sleep?) and she’s up trying to cajole Dragons (Doctor appointment schedulers) into getting her an appointment this week instead of two or three or four weeks from now. (Seriously? Who the hell wants to wait two weeks or more to talk to a Dr. after getting the call we just got? Sometimes I think the medical industry has forgotten what it’s like to be a patient who’s terrified.)
Sorry, I digressed. Back to “here’s the thing.”
You know what my incredible wife is doing while she waits for Doctor’s offices to call her back?
She takes a call from a local TV Station that is doing a story on Suicide Prevention and Bullying because it’s rampant in our State and we just had a 10-year-old commit suicide this past week.
In fact, on our “vacation” in Chicago NBC Nightly News tracked my awesome wife down to do an interview with her on a story they were doing on the same topic just a few days ago.
So, here we are, barely 15 hours after getting “the call” and my wife is going to do an interview again to help grow awareness around youth suicide because THAT’S THE KIND OF AWESEOMSAUCE she is.
She never stops helping, never stops working, and never lies down to say enough Is enough.
So FUCK YOU Cancer. My wife is better than you. She’s so much better than you, you have no fucking idea who you’re dealing with.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this but I do know she is, and whether ‘it is or it isn’t’, the fact that it’s scaring this incredible woman who gives so much to other people and tries so hard to help others is pissing me off! Nothing should have this kind of hold over people’s lives.
So, here we go, again. Waiting, wondering, crying, and worrying, and ultimately, we’re going to get through this together.
Meanwhile I vacillate between bouts of hysterical crying and wanting to throw things because of how mad I am at even the mere thought of this disease.
I fucking hate Cancer.
[su_button url=”http://journeyinstitute.org/blog/the-c-word/” background=”#ffffff” color=”#000000″ size=”5″ icon_color=”#ffffff” text_shadow=”0px 0px 0px #000000″]<< The ‘C’ Word[/su_button][su_button url=”http://journeyinstitute.org/blog/the-c-word/waiting/” background=”#ffffff” color=”#000000″ size=”5″ icon_color=”#ffffff” text_shadow=”0px 0px 0px #000000″]Chapter II – Waiting >>[/su_button]